The Mystery of Death and Christian Funerals - #3

Part of a family's care for a very sick member entails practical information. The process of gathering information is as important as the information gathered. The process and the product can assist the quality of life for the sick person and her or his caregivers. Here is the kind of information that caregivers need when a family member lives with serious or terminal illness.

First, have a list of important telephone numbers in a visible, handy place. List the names and phone numbers of doctors, clergy, lay Eucharistic ministers, emergency medical personnel and pharmacy. Second, have a list that describes the person's illness and indicates her or his medications. You might want to list religious information such as when the person last received the sacrament of the Anointing of the sick as well as the name and the phone number of significant parish ministers. This will come in handy if you have to call emergency medical people. Third, attend to the spiritual needs of a sick person. These include family prayer, blessings for the person with illness, home visits by parish ministers for prayer, Scripture reading, and the regular reception of the Eucharist. Call the parish and have them include the person's name in the prayer of the faithful at Sunday Eucharist. Fourth, have the person experiencing sickness put into writing her or his desires about the kind of extraordinary medical treatment that he or she wants to or does not want, the name of a health care proxy, and possible organ donation. In addition, the person who is ill can turn over power of attorney to a trustworthy person. Fifth, consult your doctor, the visiting nurses' association, and hospice for information about palliative care. Inquire into support groups for family caregivers. Sixth, have a list nearby of the names and phone numbers of relatives, co-workers, parish friends, and neighbors. This will lessen your stress when you want to call people to inform them that a loved one is going to be hospitalized, is dying, or has died.

It is obvious that this kind of service is touchy and emotionally charged. Every person likes to be independent and in control. No one is in a hurry to meet one's Maker! Moreover, each of us naturally resists facing chronic illness and the possibility of death. Gathering this initial information can help conquer fear, dismantle denial, and open up family conversion. This can pave the way, step by step, for deeper levels of communication and affection as the sick member and the family encounter their share in the suffering of Christ crucified.

Sharing in the mystery of Christ crucified leads a person into the final stage of life. Death can be a gateway of surrender to God, the final letting-go into the embrace of God. Pastors, deacons, pastoral associates, parish nurses, and music ministers are sensitively aware that their sisters and brothers deeply feel the death of a loved one. Parish staffs need to publicize the policies and procedures that minister to those who celebrate the funeral liturgies of vigil keeping, the Mass, and the final committal. These guidelines need to be clear, consistent, fair, and flexible. Good preparation, consultation, and attention to details foster full, conscious, and active participation and avoid anything that is gauche, insensitive, or kitschy.